Once Was
by MelWil
Summary: James discovers Lily's 'once was' while Snape discovers the 'is now.' Lily discovers more than she wanted to know.


**Title: Once Was  
Author: MelWil  
Rating: PG13  
Feedback: lina_wilson@hotmail.com  
Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns them, not me. I make no money from them.  
Author's note: Something a bit different**

**Chapter One: Barely Lit Rooms**

Lily pulled her wand from inside her robes, whispering a spell and watching the familiar green light pour from the end of the wood. The other members of the order might scoff at her need for illumination, but then the other members weren't seven months pregnant. They weren't required to carry the extra fears that burdened her at the moment.

The dark walls were covered in tiny white symbols, complicated guides to confuse unwelcome visitors, but Lily quickly pieced together those which would take her to where she needed to be. It was a requirement that they change their meeting place after each gathering. If their enemies discovered where they were meeting, there was no doubt that they would be targeted and killed.

She was expecting it, but it was still strange to find the room empty when she entered. James and Sirius, both of them anxious now that the birth was nearing, had been intending to accompany her, but both of them were called away early in the morning and Lily was left to make her own way to the meeting.

"Lily."

She turned as his voice filled the room. It was three years since she last saw him, a late night visit to her apartment; one last time with her before he disappeared.

"Lily Potter." His mouth sneered over her new surname and it didn't feel as fitting as it had when she received it. His eyes travelled downwards, resting on her stomach. "Lily Potter is having a child."

"Severus." The name caught in her throat. Dumbledore warned her about Snape's new allegiance, about his attendance at the meetings. Still it was shocking to see him, thinner and taller than when he left, a guarded look and deep shadows invading his eyes.

"Lily Potter." He shook his head slightly, stepping towards her. He wore black robes and they moved around him like he was a sleek and fearless cat, rather than a skinny and haunted man. She noted that a thin line of green traced the edges of his robes, a visible homage to his school house. 

"Why do you say my name like that, Snape?" She reverted to his last name, the name her house mates spat out the side of their mouths. She felt a mixture of revulsion and pleasure ricochet through her body as his face contorted.

"I've always used your last name, Lily Potter." He walked past her, to the small window embedded in the thick wall. "There was a time, not so long ago, when I actually liked your last name." He turned to face her. "Evans. It really slipped off the tongue. Warm butter beer and other gooey things: Lily Evans." 

Lily squirmed under his gaze. "I'm sorry." she whispered.

"You're not big on waiting, are you, Lily Potter?" he snarled, and the words wrapped themselves around her. "First you made a quick swap on me. Then you got your perfect, unexpected wedding to the perfect James Potter. And now this. He works quickly, our James. I never guessed he was hiding that under his robes."

"Don't." 

"Don't what." Severus shrugged. "I was the wronged party, remember? The innocent bystander. I never had my chance to be vicious or mean or nasty. There's much for me to catch up on."

"I'm sorry, Severus." She felt the baby kick again and wished it wasn't there. This would be much better if she wasn't so pregnant. "You were away, and I missed you terribly. And James was here. He was here, and he was around, and we fell in love. I fell in love with James Potter."

"You fell in love with the idea of safety. You're trying to convince yourself that you packed your interest of the dark arts away with your childish things. You're so scared that you can't see straight. You don't see past your own little world, and your need for a family so you can prove yourself as a witch." Severus sniffed. "James Potter is nothing more than your safety device."

"Ah, I'm just a security blanket, right?" Lily whipped around to see her husband standing at the door, Sirius a half step behind him. "She's carrying my child; did you notice that, Snape? In the world we've inherited, with vampires like you hanging around, how do you believe that she's making a safe choice?"

"Did she tell you about me, Potter?" Severus' head was tilted to the side, and Lily could see his fingers touching the end of his wand. "Is that why you've become so knowledgeable all of a sudden, because your wife's told you about our relationship?"

"I've always known you're a bastard." James also had his hand resting on his wand. "Leave Lily out of this." 

"Wait a sec." Sirius stepped into the room, his gaze travelling between Lily and Snape. "Your relationship? The two of you had something going on that involved more than potions' homework? Is something that disturbing actually possible?"

"Most of the seventh year, Sirius." Lily looked at the ground. She didn't want to see the look on James' face.

"Lily." The hurt in his voice was painful.

"It went a little past the end of seventh year too. Right up until I went away." Severus was almost laughing. Lily realised that he was enjoying it; this scene was his way of punishing her. "In fact, I thought we were still together until I heard she'd gone off and married someone."

"Shut up Severus." Lily looked up, into James' eyes. "I should have told you."

"You should have," he said. "I thought we told each other everything."

Snape sat down in one of the ornate chairs. "Have you told her everything, Potter? Does she know all your dark secrets? Does she know about the family secret, the one you've sworn never to tell?" 

Lily looked at him, as Sirius pulled out his wand. "Shut it, Snape," he said. "This doesn't have anything to do with you."

Severus scowled. "Actually, Black, it was my conversation. And she doesn't know the secret. She still thinks he's the safest choice." 

Lily ignored Severus and Sirius, her attention focused on James. "What is he talking about?" she demanded. "What family secret? What haven't you told me?"

James' face was pure horror. "I wanted to tell you, Lily, I really did. But it hasn't been that easy. There's too many people hurt if I let you know. You have to understand . . ."

"But Severus knows!" Lily stamped her foot. "He's one of your worst enemies and he knows. I'm your wife and you won't tell me!" 

"It's a pure blood thing." Severus shifted in the chair. "James is no better than me under that facade of goodness. He doesn't want to break a pure blood secret."

"Shut it, Snape." Sirius warned.

James tried to take her hands, but Lily snatched them away. "Tell me, James."

He sighed and turned away from her. "You have to understand, Lily. It's more than just you and me, or even the whole pure blood wizard community. It's going to affect our child."

TBC


End file.
